Status Update 2

It's been a while since I've been blogging. Let's just say that I've been busy keeping up with the joneses in regards to academics and other trivial aspects of university life

I've made a few big changes in my life. In regards to people and how i conduct myself. I can say that it definitely was not easy.The pain of disconnect between heart and mind is a reality and if that alone was not difficult enough, imagine doing so while preparing for what i think was the most packed 7 days of my life here, with midterms and assignments due 24 hours apart.

Im relieved that I managed to scrape through that part of my life and now, life seems simple again. No more complicated emotions, just

My pen, My thoughts, My aspirations

And that my friends, is wisdom

Status update

1st term grades are up
and im pretty pleased with my efforts :)

Initially, just a 3.0 because people keep saying how difficult it is here
Now, lets see how far I can go next term :)

The Inconvenient Truth

New Years Morning in Malaysia
1)Waking Up and getting ready for the day
2)Head to mamak with family
3)Enjoy a nice ghee thosai with milo ais on the side

New Years Morning in Canada
1)Wake up and get ready
2) All Coffee Shops are closed on New Years Morning
Tim's Y U NO OPEN !
3)Retreat back to home base and enjoy dates and a kitkat bar with seniors

I'm really starting to miss the Malaysian mamak scene ! Endless Food ! Anytime ! Anyplace !
Be thankful guys !

So far, its been a pretty uneventful New Years Morning. To be fair, its only 10 am though XD

I've been looking through some of my friends wall posts this morning and I came across a very interesting video of what the kids back home are up to. For New Years Eve, they planned a reenactment of one of the scenes from V for Vendetta. If 2011 was the uprising of the protester, could 2012 be the year of glory for the oppressed ?

Anyway, this kind of got me thinking. I'll be 20 this year, and the following year, I'll be of the legal age to vote.Im starting to understand why people say that 'Ignorance is bliss'. Previously before, i could care less about politics in my country and whats going on because i play no part in it. But now, its dawned on me that I can't be ignorant. I can't anymore ! Soon I'll be given the power to change my nation and as a result the accountability of how i used my power to change my nation for better or worse.

Can you imagine that what you vote now will change how your children will live in 10,20,30 years !

Its a frightening prospect really, how do you pick whats best for you and best for your children ? Which is better and which is best ?
I have to start considering these things from now

My 2012 will be marked with the loss of ignorance and innocence

Post Mortem: University Life:Part 3 Individual Growth

The 4 year Master Plan :)
In theory waking up every morning to this is SUPPOSED to make me motivated everyday right ?
In practice ?
Not so much

Its good to write down what you want, but to actually force your sinew to get up and do it ?

That requires A LOT of willpower and determination

So in this section, i'd like to talk about something close to my heart.

Expectations:
To be perfectly frank, I was going to post this on new years eve but I've been procrastinating for quite some time. I've been pondering what possibly could i write to help myself and help you, the reader to understand him/herself better.
I guess one thing I could say is, be prepared for change and embrace things. Change is by far one of the most intimidating words in my book, its the unknown,the unseen.That second before you click 'display academic results' happens. It might be delightful or it might be heartbreak.I think most of us can agree that no one likes to be left hanging on the balance, that feeling of insecurity and uneasiness kills all of us inside.

So in my case, i knew i would change, maybe change quite a lot, but for better or for worse ?

Studying in Canada kinda represents my transition from young adolescent to young adult ( honestly, i still feel like an annoying kid though, lol). From maybe 50% of personal control to 100% total freedom. To some it might feel liberating, (which it honestly is !)but after having it for a while. Boy oh boy, its a big weight on your shoulders. With nothing in your way, you can be whatever you want to be. WHATEVER you want to be. You could make the news today, either for something good or for something bad. Its totally up to you.

Reality:
Canada is a really great place, im not saying that because of the setting and all, its the company I'm with i guess. As much as we say peer pressure doesn't affect us, you know those
"Bro A smokes and Bro B does this and that"
and then, you with the utmost confidence say
"Nah, i wont turn into them"

I want you to take a moment and ponder,
Where are you ? , What are you doing ?
Who are your friends and where are they now ?
Where would you be without your friends ?

I realized now that for some reason, wherever I go, He's always there to take care of me. It might not be in the way you expect it,but help is always available. There was a reason why you were destined to go to A to study at B to meet with C. It just happens sometimes.You can't really plan it out on paper or anything. When the opportunity arises, absorb it, learn it, grow from it.

Surprisingly, living in Canada has made me much more religiously connected. The environment here is much more open, friendly and less judgmental. You don't feel inadequate when you don't know certain things and people here truly try to help rather than those 'condemning help' you see back home. Back home, I felt as if something was missing in religion, so i didn't really pay too much attention to it. But here, for some reason, i find it a lot easier to go to the mosque,to fast once in a while. Maybe its finding the essence of Islam and that feeling of what it's really like to live in a country where your not the majority.

And i think it would be unfair if I did not acknowledge the people who im with too. Not only just my brothers and sisters, but everybody from my floor mates, to my club mates, family, friends. Im grateful to be placed in such an inspiring and helpful community of people. Everyone here has that fire and drive to make things happen and i for one, need that kind of motivation to keep going. For me, everyday is an opportunity to do great things :)

Another thing I wanna talk about is how open university life is. As in, you are not stereotyped or pigeon-holed into anything. You are free to live your life as whatever you want it to be.
For me, im really taking this time to reinvent myself. To discover my 'Element' and really find my talents and skills. U of T has a really good variety of extra-curricular clubs. You can find anything from Toastmasters ( join! its fun :D), Archery, Rock Climbing, Socialists, Cooking and etc. From the seniors I've met so far in the last year, the one thing they said they regretted was not taking part in all these clubs and societies. Anyone can get a 4.0,but can anyone get a 3.8 with a distinguished toastmaster status and a kick ass job at some consulting firm in Canada ?

So please, make these 4-5 years THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE !

Observations:
1. Starting habits are hard, but once they're in your system, they stick really well
2. It takes roughly 2-3 weeks to get a habit in your system
3.100 push ups is difficult, but not impossible :)
4.Everything starts from you, no initiative, no change
5.Don't allow negativity to seep in you, always say otherwise
6. You can learn a lot about yourself by mixing with different people and doing new things
7. Take a moment in your day to think, 'what am i blessed with today' and you'll be surprised with what you should be thankful for

Post Mortem: University Life Part 2: Academia

Im not saying that I don't shower alright, that ode goes to my Eng Sci mates and perhaps the Electrical's too XD

So what about U of T Engineering ?
1. Canada's most prestigious Engineering School
2. Internationally recognized
3. Located smack-dab in the heart of the city
4. Also known as "Skule"
5. When entering, you have a sort of initiation which involves you kissing a horse's genitals supposedly so that you won't fail any subjects during the semester. ( so far so good XD)
6. You will be in the company of many many many bright, talented and ambitious students
7. We have Leaders of Tomorrow (LOT for short) which is a leadership program made by engineers for engineers. Open to all years and its pretty active too.

Expectations:
People always tell me that University Life for an engineer will not be a cakewalk. And what more, if your in one of the really really big universities. My seniors told me stories of even though your in one of the best universities, it does not necessarily mean that your education will also be one of the best. Your class sizes in first year will be around 100+ people and some lecturers are just some PHD students who probably don't really have that much of a passion in teaching. Looking at how grades are given here also throw me back to the days of high school where its literally just 1 midterm and 1 final plus minus a quiz or two. It is not as liberal as the Canadian Pre U system which gives you multiple chances to do well. So you are expected to perform very very well for those tests. Another thing to keep in my mind was that most of the people that came here were actually more prepared than we were. CPU only scratches the surface of Tertiary education. It only gives you the most basic (and sometimes the most important) skills and tools you need to succeed in University. What basic skills and tools DO you need you might ask ?

Reality:
I've been here for quite some time and all I can say is that being an Engineer is about learning how to learn. I feel that the syllabus for our engineering courses ( and i think for other engineering schools as well) are purposely made difficult for students to understand. Its done that way because it forces us to learn things in a different way. Even if you barely passed all your courses in the next 4 years but provided you understand how to learn and relearn things, then your engineering education has been put to good use. Throughout the term, you will go through a series of great euphoria coupled with sometimes manic depression. That's how i went through the term. Sometimes you feel so happy because you understand what your doing and your grades are in your control. The next, you just feel like being invisible and lifeless because everything just seems so hard to grasp and no one is there to pull you up. I'm gonna STRESS on the fact when i say develop a good SUPPORT SYSTEM !
Make friends. Make a lot of friends. Help them and share your time with them. Because in a place where its described as "Heavily encourage personal responsibility and independent-learning", you WILL be left hanging many times in your studies and you will need help from friends. Not only that, they also will become an outlet for those depressions and " I feel like im dying, kill me now ! " moments. Oh and some of them know how to cook really good food ! XD
All in all, so far the 1st term was more like revision of CPU + SPM so it wasn't that bad. Out of all the subjects i took last term, only 1 was completely new. I understood the majority of what we we're learning but not all. Im expecting the 2nd term to be hell because i think i know perhaps less than 1% of the courses being taught.

Observations:
1. Friends are very important, make as many as you can. Be truthful and honest to them. Try your best to help them out. The least you can do is brighten their day with a smile or honest conversation :)
2.Khan Academy has saved my ass so many times this term, its a really good source to learn new concepts and refresh old ones.
3.Pre-reading makes a big difference before lecturers, they really do ! It psychologically prepares you for what you'll be learning in class which is a big help when you wanna digest some weird complex theory 5 % of the world knows but only 1% truly understand and can act upon it.
I was a skeptic at first, but ever since trying it out, its been such a big help ! dont underestimate the power of Pre-reading !
4.Whenever you feel down, don't hide behind the curtain but rather do the opposite and open up. The reason why we're down sometimes is because we focus too much on ourselves. What im saying might be counter-intuitive, but it really really helps that when your opening up, always make it your priority to not only be heard but to also LISTEN and understand what your conversation partner has to say. The cure for depression is not the act of revealing your emotions but rather having a different perspective of things which opens up your head. That works way better than sleeping. Though sleeping is also important too !

Thoughts about the past year

1.Its hard to control emotions. Hating and jealousy can be entirely subconscious sometimes. It takes a lot of willpower and determination to change those thoughts. But it can be done

2.Letting go is sometimes the most painful but the most liberating experience of all

3.You can hate something or someone deeply and it feels good. It makes us feel that we have been wronged by others and as a result forces our thoughts to focus on that particular persons fault rather than our own. Hatred feeds on the feeling of expectation and entitlement, which as a human being, cannot be expected with others. In the end of the day, you realize hatred is a self-depreciating emotion.It eats you up and makes you arrogant with a righteous disposition, which is much worse than arrogance itself

4.Judging is a subconscious act. Sometimes it just happens. You don't intend it but it pops in your head like how memories or words pop up when you converse with others. You cant prevent it from happening but you can definitely prevent it from getting in your head. And honestly, ever since being here, i feel that people of my faith sometimes judge others more quickly than others do. Not all but the large majority which worries me.

5. With the right people and support, you can do anything ! For the last 19 years of my life I have never felt this level of acceptance and understanding in my life. I'm surrounded by such breathtakingly wonderful people who are beautiful inside and out. Regardless of which, they have always been very welcoming and are always willing to teach me how to become a better person which i will continually do in my life

6.I'm a sponge. Admittedly, I'm not the brightest tool in the shed but I'm the type that absorbs things from people.I would consider the main reason why i was able to do well for the last few years is my ability to easily absorb what other people know and use it to understand what im doing. I've always been surrounded by such great people, I always learn something from these people by just being right beside them. I hope to share what i know to people someday and make them better individuals too. The virtuous cycle as they say

7. I know I have this untapped potential, but im not sure how to get it out. Sooner or later, it will though. I'm positive

8. Nothing is set in stone unless you want it to be. God changes the fate of those who want their fates to change. Life is an open book and we're free to write whatever we want and that is exactly what i hope to do in the following years

9. Always assume the good rather than the bad of people. People can surprise you sometimes with their generosity and sincerity.Don't make it a habit of thinking too much of others intentions, always say thank you and keep on good terms with everyone

Post Mortem: University Life (Fall Y1): Part 1

So lets see,
Arrived in late August
Started in mid September
Finished in mid December

The End.

If only life was that simple. Honestly, time-wise it felt that way. But trust me, so many things went on besides that.

So in this post mortem, i'll break it down into a few sections namely, social, academic and individual experiences.

Social Experiences

Expectations
The exciting feeling you get when starting uni is like getting a yes on your first date. Pulsating at first but heart wrenching along the way. Your away from the constraints of family and strict rules.
Where the sign 'anything goes' like on those garage sale ads really does mean ANYTHING GOES. You have a lot of personal freedom here, its refreshing really. I could not go to class, don't do my assignments. go smoke weed. anything really. there are no direct consequences from your actions. Its more of long term effects. So in terms of my social experiences, i expected firstly a lot of interesting people and lots of interesting social situations. In a country where modesty and shyness dominate the social atmosphere, here its more of a " I can do whatever I want and if you don't like it, I don't really care" atmosphere. The environment is definitely a lot different than home. I was considered average or just slightly short at home, here, compared to the average 18 year old Tim Horton's drinking, ice skating Canadian, I feel like one of those lawn gnomes standing awkwardly at your mom's garden. It might be a challenge to penetrate the circle, but I have 4 years to try so meh.

Reality
Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly if you've watched a lot of HIMYM, Canadians are nice people.
And no, I doubt anyone would be that nice if you punched them in the gut a few times Barney. But as a whole Canadians are a nice lot of people. But i do admit, overcoming the cultural barriers proved to be a bit of a problem. Don't you just hate it when you do something perfectly acceptable in your culture and then there's that awkward stare down moment. Like "What are you doing ?, You don't wanna chill with us" type of look. It wasn't about beer or anything, I just didn't want to interrupt the girl talk they were having. (Girls act different with testosterone around them.FACT). But I guess you could say that's when I learned that people here are more open and accommodating compared to back home. And one thing, in North America the hierarchy of starting a conversation goes something like
1.Celebrity
2.Pretty Girl/ Handsome Guy
3.Interesting Girl/ Interesting Guy
4.Asians
This is not taking into account all 4 can be 1 person, and without taking into considerations of height and ability to play guitar (Guitar= Instant Sex Appeal)
As westerners say of Asians that we 'supposedly' study like no tomorrow, we have to take the initiative and bring the conversation to them. And one thing that i know that Asians have to stop talking about is this:
" I did badly on the last test ! "
" How was your last exam, I bombed mine "
And the instant annoyance they get when you do thrice as good as them. I get annoyed too as an Asian sometimes ! haha
Bad conversation starter. PERIOD !
Another thing I learned here i guess, as different as we all are. We are all the same.All of us need affection and acceptance. We all have our own battles to face. We all are looking for something in our lives, whether it be a friend to play Call of Duty with, a person to study with, a girl to express ourselves too. Its a long road, but its paved with great adventures along the way.

Observations
Canada is like a box of fruit loops, there is just so much diversity around here. I can honestly say that I've talked to pretty much everyone from the different continents. ( Okay, maybe not Eskimos but you get the gist right ! ) And its amazing how different people have a different way of doing things. I swear when i talk to a girl from South America, samba music suddenly turns on and somewhere in the room, a dance floor opens. Maybe I should start taking samba classes ! XD
But in all seriousness, being in Canada has made me appreciate the large variety of cultures we all have.